Devoid of Self-Confidence

Answer Paper distribution is one thing which takes away all the fun and frolic that goes on after the exams are over.Everyone get keen to know their performance.Every single person wants to outperform.Some know their fate while others hope for the best.But this time…………this time, it was not the same for me.

To be sincere, i had put on, what i think, is a sincere effort in this semesters first test, which was held for all subjects starting from the 19th of march to 24th. I was quite confident of my answers and was happy, compared to the last semester which was a disaster, that i saved this semester from catastrophe. But, fate was set to play a foul game with me.

It is Wednesday, 3rd of March 2010, when at once, papers of three subjects were distributed. I had faired bad in all of them. It was a shock, or should i say, a bolt from the blue. I could not figure out whether there was any fault in my preparation, or was it that the others have surpassed my academic level overnight. In either ways, I was the one who has to suffer. The saddest part is that the first paper i had received today was related to my branch and that’s where i have fared extremely horrible. And most of the blame goes to the teacher who has cut my marks just because she could not have understood my answer. I am petrified. Is this the way to start a semester??? I myself am felling ashamed of myself. I started crying.

I still remember the days when i was at home. Whenever something happened like this, my parents were always there to console me, comfort me, if they knew that i had put the effort from my side. It had happened to me sometimes before also. Then i would be with my mom, who would be going on consoling me. I could also see the sadness in her for me. That would give me the feeling that there is someone else also who shares your griefs with you, who really cares about you. They say, it feels better if you shed away some tears when you are depressed, when you are sad. But i realize now, that even that doesn’t work. Theres no one here who can lend me a shoulder to rest on and restore my confidence. Theres no one here who could say me not to worry. Every other student seems like a rival, who wants to get better marks that everyone else. They are nothing less than butchers, wanting to jump past over others. They do ask about each others marks, just to feel proud that they have left him/her behind, or to curse him/her if the other person has scored better. They can be companions, but not friends. They can be competitors, but not helpers.But that is how it works, that is how life runs here…

I feel lost in this huge world. In such situation, my Laptop becomes my best friend with whom, i can spend some time on, playing games, surfing the net, listening to music, writing a post in my blog… But that is just peripheral, which calms me down only from the outside.

In that case, I do realize, that the only person who could restore my confidence, who could bring back normalcy in my life, is none other than, myself…………………………..

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